Acceptance

It’s okay to remember when you were once loved. Some things I’ll never know nor understand, but what I do know is that I was purely loved and always will be. Chances of ever meeting the only other man I’m attracted to are zero to none but at least I can watch his plethora of movies daily. I don’t expect to experience romantic love again and accepting that sets me free.

Nothing brings me more pleasure than stimulating my mind. I felt good a few nights back because I read an extremely thought-provoking break down of Guy Ritchie’s movie REVOLVER on Reddit. Seems I’m not the only one who watched it multiple times in a row. That shit is deep. Now I wish I knew how to play chess.

Once I accepted the fact that I must do a job every day that brings me no pleasure it helped me get through the day. I mean how many people feel pleasure while working? I know my way out and the plan is in motion. I may have thrown a wrench in my plan by showing interest in a higher position, but we’ll see. I think it could potentially hinder me from accomplishing my real-life goals.

I accepted that I must work on my book proposal every night and it made the work a bit easier. I turned off the TV and got busy. I know not every day will be a good day, but I’ll take it as it comes. If I do nothing but look at the screen and contemplate how I’ll describe what the book is about and what will set it apart on the bookshelf that’s an accomplishment.

Songs of the week are Beyonce’s Tyrant and Ella Mai’s Anymore. I don’t share the same sentiments as Ella Mai does in this song, but I wish I did. I accept that I will likely never meet another man who understands me and pushes me to be my best self but I’m okay with that.

Truth be told I have no real problems. My only problem is I have a daunting task to complete, and I won’t feel free until it’s done. It’s not insurmountable I can and will do it. Whether it will be good is another story.

I don’t have any vices to ease my discomfort. Now I must push through the feelings. Not using food, sex or Jason Statham to get me through the day just taking it one day at a time. Okay so I am still using Jason Statham but that’s it. If you see the latest pictures, he posted on Instagram you’ll understand. He’s just so damn masculine.

After spending some much-needed time on writing my book proposal, I realized the importance of the book. It’s bigger than me and I will get it published my way. I have a plan and it is in motion. I’ve just got to stay focused and put in work daily.

I did notice this week that less food and less TV really helped me focus but I’m really fucking hungry and still looking for ways to entertain myself. Right now, my entertainment is work. I’ve just got to consistently get shit done.